Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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