i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
