so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've blown a few things in my day
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
