the day after is always just damage control
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
