I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
