my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
