I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
