Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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