Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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