I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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