dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
