it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You have to summon your inner elephant
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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