i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
