Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
