I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
