I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
