You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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