there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
