So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
