Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
