Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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