Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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