I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
