Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
