My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
