walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
