I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this just has baby written all over it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My ATM looks so different sober.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
