dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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