I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
