soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
