I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
