420 ftw
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
