It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize