Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
