There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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