you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
