Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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