Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
