it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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