Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
