Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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