We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
