Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
try to milk me bitch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
