help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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