he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
