i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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