If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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