it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
