so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
