Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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