He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize