I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
