Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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