Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
