Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
