Me too!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The best revenge is premature balding
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
