My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
