1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize