people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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