I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
