I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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