I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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