Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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