I think my vagina is haunted
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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