so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
