i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
