She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
